It's the Little Things

I'm an oldest child. Actually, my husband is too! I could write this whole post about the craziness in our household that stems from the truth of those initial statements. But actually, my point lies elsewhere.

I firmly believe that there are certain elements of my personality that are rooted in my birth order. Being the oldest means that I've grown up with lots of opportunities to lead (be bossy), plan (be in control), and hog attention (no explanation needed). Sound familiar? I was raised with every opportunity, and when the opportunity didn't exist, I made it for myself.

To this day, I believe that I am created for "big things." What's interesting though, is the way that God is changing my perspective on what falls into that category. My vision of success has been uprooted, and I can guarantee you, it's for the best! I'm beginning to learn to live in the reality that the little things that I do also have eternal impact.

So here's to cooking dinner, doing laundry, taking care of Brady, and loving my family. Cheers!

The End of an Era

I didn't think that I would be sad to quit my job. For months I had been looking for another job. I needed something more. And at that time more meant more recognition, more responsibility, more money! I just wasn't happy.

After getting the initial shock of discovering that we were going to have a baby, I realized that big changes really were on the horizon. I knew that I had always wanted to stay home when we had kids. It's just always what I thought I would do. I never imagined what this transition would really look like though...

I counted down the months before I would quit. I had a calendar at work that was specifically reserved for the giant blue sharpie that I used to hash through the days and weeks.

The economy was going down the tube, so letting go of our second income was a little tough. Just before Brady was born, I decided to go on maternity leave to buy us a few more months of "thinking" time. After all, I could bring the baby back to work with me for a few months if I wanted. I might as well keep my job and my disability pay. I could leave at any time.

That time came soon enough. It took me weeks of dodged phone calls from my boss to finally make the call to quit. I don't know why it was so difficult. My boss was sad to hear I was leaving, but had felt me pulling away after I went on maternity leave.

The calls I'd waited weeks to make took about 10 minutes. And when they were over, I was a wreck.

It's tough to pinpoint, but I think that was the first moment I began to experience the shift in my life. In reality, I had already been changing diapers for weeks. I had already experienced my first glimpses of what it would be like to truly be a stay at home mom. My 8 to 5 grind had been on hold for almost three months, but officially letting go of my job reinforced a finality that I didn't know I wasn't prepared for.

Quitting meant letting go. I let go of a community that I been a part of for over four years. A community in which I was respected, in which I laughed, and in which I got to be a part of many lives and endeavors. I released my success. And while I had been "mom" for a few months already, I still wasn't sure what exactly would be filling this gap in my life. I certainly didn't have a community to fill the 50 hour/week void of adult interaction. And I certainly had no idea how to be "successful" in my new role.

I was already dreading the "What do you do?" question. My official title was now "Mom." Can you add director to that?

A few more months have passed, and my life has continued to change. What an amazing challenge to be a wife and a mom. I've had a lot of time to think and grow, and I'm excited to share more about it. I am so thankful for the ways that God is already changing my perspective of success, grace, diapers, and love. And thank goodness He's not done yet. I have a long way to go.