The End of an Era

I didn't think that I would be sad to quit my job. For months I had been looking for another job. I needed something more. And at that time more meant more recognition, more responsibility, more money! I just wasn't happy.

After getting the initial shock of discovering that we were going to have a baby, I realized that big changes really were on the horizon. I knew that I had always wanted to stay home when we had kids. It's just always what I thought I would do. I never imagined what this transition would really look like though...

I counted down the months before I would quit. I had a calendar at work that was specifically reserved for the giant blue sharpie that I used to hash through the days and weeks.

The economy was going down the tube, so letting go of our second income was a little tough. Just before Brady was born, I decided to go on maternity leave to buy us a few more months of "thinking" time. After all, I could bring the baby back to work with me for a few months if I wanted. I might as well keep my job and my disability pay. I could leave at any time.

That time came soon enough. It took me weeks of dodged phone calls from my boss to finally make the call to quit. I don't know why it was so difficult. My boss was sad to hear I was leaving, but had felt me pulling away after I went on maternity leave.

The calls I'd waited weeks to make took about 10 minutes. And when they were over, I was a wreck.

It's tough to pinpoint, but I think that was the first moment I began to experience the shift in my life. In reality, I had already been changing diapers for weeks. I had already experienced my first glimpses of what it would be like to truly be a stay at home mom. My 8 to 5 grind had been on hold for almost three months, but officially letting go of my job reinforced a finality that I didn't know I wasn't prepared for.

Quitting meant letting go. I let go of a community that I been a part of for over four years. A community in which I was respected, in which I laughed, and in which I got to be a part of many lives and endeavors. I released my success. And while I had been "mom" for a few months already, I still wasn't sure what exactly would be filling this gap in my life. I certainly didn't have a community to fill the 50 hour/week void of adult interaction. And I certainly had no idea how to be "successful" in my new role.

I was already dreading the "What do you do?" question. My official title was now "Mom." Can you add director to that?

A few more months have passed, and my life has continued to change. What an amazing challenge to be a wife and a mom. I've had a lot of time to think and grow, and I'm excited to share more about it. I am so thankful for the ways that God is already changing my perspective of success, grace, diapers, and love. And thank goodness He's not done yet. I have a long way to go.